Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
