Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
