You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
ugly people sure do ruin things
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize