How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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