oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
