xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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