No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
