Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
