You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
