I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
