I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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