Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
