Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
