The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
