no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
