I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
