I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize