After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
