Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
