she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize