So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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