he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
