Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
