just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
