after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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