you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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