but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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