I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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