I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it glows. i had to have it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
