I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
