I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize