i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
