i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
