Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
