is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
