i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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