my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
