WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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