I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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