imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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