sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize