I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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