The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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