I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
