At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
