Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
