So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
