i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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