How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
