I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
