apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
