Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize