Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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