I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
