Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm passing your future prison.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
