Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The uberlube is also flammable
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
