barbara walters just said penis...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
