Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
