The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
