Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
