@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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