i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
