i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
