what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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