After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
