Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
