1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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