Umm I'm too high to move.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
