i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
