U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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